Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You can't motorboat a personality
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
