I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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