Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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