you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize