wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
