Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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