He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
love makes seman taste better
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
