I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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