he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
