phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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