If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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