It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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