apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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