Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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