I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
