we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I supernannyed him into submission
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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