LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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