I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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