Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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