omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
