We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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