NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
