That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
