I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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