so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
