i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
