Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.