The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he thought i was a dude.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.