This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
