Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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