i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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