I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"