Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
