white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm passing your future prison.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
