Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish I only lived at night.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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