Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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