ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
