At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
