How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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