what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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