he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize