there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
