I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
