i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
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The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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