Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
