Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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