U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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