let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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