She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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