I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
