Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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