did you get engaged???
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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