so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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