I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
