My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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