Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.