Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
