help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."