I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.