you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
