Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?