Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
