Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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