i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
