Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
