what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
