I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Did you just see the Batmobile???
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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