Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
