The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
