im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Who died my cat blue again?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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