Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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