We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
