So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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