I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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