That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
