Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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