what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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