I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
