If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
