tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
