3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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