are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
