i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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