Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
