Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
