as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
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True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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