Can i not drive my cunt home
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
