oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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